So I've been in the same decade of numbers for four months now... lose weight! Come on body, just lose it!

 

Obviously I have to work hard to be at this weight, but I want to move on from here now. My habits match this weight and now I want to move forward.

 

Grrr. Anyways - life is good. Michael is a frustrated guy lately - still no teeth and still this half crawl that he would really like to improve upon I am sure. It's just not getting him all the places he needs to be and he is mad mad mad! He says da da da da to everyone which is funny. But no 'mama' sounds yet! It's an interesting transition period for sure... he is aware of everything he wants to do, he is just in the process of figuring it all out!

 

 

I'm numbers obsessed... not going to deny it. I weigh myself 10-15 times a day. I constantly measure myself, I depend on numbers for my own peace of mind.

 

Perhaps because we can't see change in ourselves like others can, the scale, a tape measure - any kind of tool becomes essential in determining how we see ourselves. And it can matter more than we know.

 

I had to blog for a second time today, because I had to share a story about how numbers can make or break a mood or perspective.

 

I was shopping today and I went to try on a skirt. I glanced at the tag inside the back and pulled what I thought was a size 8 off the rack.

 

Right now a size 8 is a safe size for me. Especially in a skirt. Heck it might even be a bit big as it's not taking the circumference of my thighs into consideration. So I took it into the change room along with a couple of shirts. I went to pull the skirt on and it was a bit snug coming up over my hips. That was a bit discouraging but I sucked in and did the zipper all the way up. I looked in the mirror at this way too tight size 8 skirt and I literally thought I was going to cry.

 

Why after all of this time and work and attention to losing weight is a size 8 too small for me? What has happened to my body that this much work can't even pay off to be a smaller size than this? I was so mad at myself I felt hopeless and emotional. I was done.

 

So I took off the skirt and checked the price tag, only to realize it was a size ZERO not an 8. Within a matter of seconds I went from the craziest depressed mess to an elated, relieved, maybe even excited state. It was the same skirt. It was still too tight. It was the same body in the mirror that I had just hated for not being able to fit into an 8, but somehow it was all different when the size was different.

 

I don't think I have ever even attempted to put on a size zero, and again it was a skirt and the store I was in was one of those stores with more 'generous' sizes (that's why I like it!) But I had to take a step back and think about why it mattered SO much to me. I always tell my clients, it's not the scale... blah blah blah... and sometimes I think I believe it. But I really really realized today how much I still depend on that number, that size.

 

It shouldn't define me or my efforts, but it did today. Telling me that physically I'm doing okay, but mentally I might still have a lot of work to do!

So I guess I could have considered the last three weeks a bit of a break! My crazy ordinary week of classes has been on a break since the end of August. Luckily Monday we begin again. It's really not just the classes, but more the routine of the day that I need in my life! When my day is open I seem to think I will get more done with more time, but it's the opposite, so schedule schedule schedule!

 

This weekend it is my great grandma's 100th birthday party! She's doing great and will have a few more I am sure so we're excited about that.

 

Not much else to report. Michael is still not crawling, he has no teeth, and he still doesn't sleep through the night.  So nothing new on that front. He is still a very happy and active little guy though. Never stops moving. And he rolls around the room like a Tazmanian Devil which is totally funny. He's a huge flirt though. He gives this eyebrow raise and smile to any girl who will take notice of him!

One more week of being 'off schedule'. I am not in my usual routine and I definitely need routine in my life! I should enjoy the break, I suppose, but I feel so lazy and useless. I am still working out every day in some form, but it's not very intense.

 

Michael has decided not to grow any teeth. All of his same-age friends have teeth... but not him. He's stubborn like that. He's 7.5 months already, come on kid!

 

There's really not too much else to report yet. We are all set for Halloween... get ready for a flurry of Facebook photos! And only 7 more weeks to go!

 

My husband goes to New York next week. I'm super jealous. He's going to a Yankees game with the boys... I'm watching season finales and premiers. Hmmmm.

Big jump up on the scale today. I must say it has been an off week and I feel tired, lazy, lethargic, and fat.

 

I think I had to feel this way this week to remind myself why I don't want to feel this way.

 

Mark my words, this weight will be gone by next week, I am back on track.

 

That's all for now.