So... I'm the same weight again... oh well.

 

I didn't do too well with my water goal this week. I drank 3L on Friday and Saturday and then sort of forgot about water in general! I am TRYING to eat more vegetables, I got some in every day, but I don't think I got enough in to constitute two servings a day. I was a cardio maniac however! I figured that should pull me down to 160... but it didn't. So I stay another week at this weight.

 

I'm chronically 'not satisfied'. I'm happy with my life, I'm content, I'm thankful for everything I have... but I think it's ingrained in my personality to always want more. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate where I am... I do, I've worked hard and I have had a great situation around me, but I never want to be complacent with where I am. I just think I am capable of more, so why not see what I can do?

 

Oprah ran a show yesterday about the TV show the Biggest Loser and it was fantastic. If you listen to the stories and watch the show you really see that it's not about the numbers, you really see that these people who are successful transform themselves from the inside out. It was interesting how the women differed from the men mainly in the area of accepting their own worthiness. So many of them were afraid to be 'selfish' in their lives. Selfishness is not a bad thing or a dirty word when you take it to mean putting yourself first. Not at the unresponsible expense of others. But we are much better, much more effective people when we take care of ourselves. Everyone should take time in their day to be selfish and do something that makes us healthier and stronger. We should all care enough about ourselves to not want to put things in our bodies that are going to result in undesirable consequences. But most of us don't.

 

Jillian Michaels - the tough trainer from the show used to weigh in at 171 lbs at 5'1. She knows how much work it is to change your life and your body. Her final advice was to 'believe you're worth it'. Bob, the other trainer had his final piece of advice at the end as well and it was not to wait for Jan. 1 or your birthday but to choose to start feeling better today. And to do more than you used to do. Obviously most people can't isolate themselves at a ranch and work out 7 hours a day with strict diet regimens, but most of us could trade in an hour of TV for an hour of walking. Most of us could probably cut out a late night snack. Everyone has to start somewhere.

 

Next week is BUSY for me, I'm probably not going to get as much exercise into this week as in past weeks, but my eating will be clean. I promise you that. Michael cut his first tooth last Saturday! Yay! And with the exception of today where he decided to be a crazy baby and that naps are for sissies, he has been great! He had a big Halloween today, dressed up like a little devil. He was so cute and so were all the other babies I saw today. He's getting so funny lately too, yelling at everyone, his little flirty smiles, and his posing. Oh the posing. That kid sees a camera and it's like America's Next Top Model is standing by. He could make Tyra proud.

I'm up a pound. Don't know why. I weighed this same weight on July 25. Not that's it's bad but it's enough already.

 

I really want to be less than 160 - on my scale. My scale is evil and I have been under 160 at my doctor's and a friend's house, but never on mine. At least not for over 2 years!

 

I tried to eat vegetables this week. I really did. My goal for the upcoming week is to eat at least two servings on vegetables per day. As opposed to two per week! I am also in need of more water. I am going to try to get 3L a day, plus I need to up my cardio. I am going to add 60 minutes on the Elliptical to every day this week. That will be seven extra hours of cardio by next Friday. Currently I am doing a minimum of 90 minutes of working out per day. That includes classes. When I first started losing weight I would work out every time Michael would sleep and sometimes would get 5 - 6 hours a day in. I am not getting nearly that amount of time in now but I don't have as much weight to lose at this point.

 

And Michael is 9 months old next week! 9 months! I was pregnant for 9 months and 1 day... I figure this is the point where you need to stop using the baby as an excuse! I am down below my pre-pregnancy weight but there are definitely things that look worse than before! I still have stretch marks - they were really bad at first and now they are pretty much skin-coloured but I still see them. I guess that's something that happens when your skin has to stretch around a chubby little baby - plus about 60 additional pounds from cheese buns and baconators! Whoops!

 

Anyways - we'll see how my week of hardcoreness goes! I am getting so excited for Halloween! Not for myself, but I am dressing up my little man like a little devil! I bought the costume online and it is so so super cute! He's probably going to hate it because it has a hood that ties on - but he will be cute nonetheless!  

I hate being the same weight for two weeks in a row. Better than being up, but I get very frustrated when I really think I should be down.

 

My eating plan has been good for making sure I have my calories in check. However don't be disillusioned by the fact that I can be restrictive to mean that I eat 'healthy'. I have made some really healthy changes this year by cutting out sugar and processed foods and working out consistently. Those are great things. But I also have a really bad side too in that I do not cook and therefore will eat the same simple meals all day and all week. My food variety is very poor, and I am extremely immature about fruits and vegetables. I don't like vegetables and I maybe eat about two servings a week. Bad. On top of that, I will usually only eat my vegetables when I eat out - because it comes with the meal! With fruit - I don't mind fruit and it's in my eating plan, but it will be the first 'cut' I make in the day if I am not hungry. Also, my diet relies heavily on coffee, diet pepsi, and red wine. There are definitely some 'healthier' things I could be doing.

 

And I have 34 weeks until Fitness Provincials. Ha ha ha. I want to be in control and close to contest weight by the end of January so I can just work on detailing, rather than a major body overhaul. And once this next session of Mom and Baby classes are over Michael will be too old! I'll have to find some fun things to do with a one year old until he is ready for the 'preschool' age activities begin. 

So I'm determined to make this work! My eating plan this week was tough, I didn't cut out too much, but I went really hardcore in the middle of the week and felt really hungry and low on energy. I picked it up a bit for the weekend, but those three days were very hard! I'm going to do it again this week and see what happens. I can get through it and I probably need it to make the changes I want to make, but it's definitely a mental battle!

 

Michael on the other hand is eating like a king! We had a Turkey Dinner tonight at my Grandma's and he got to eat turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberries, turnips, and pumpkin pie! He loved all of it! He went to sleep in no time flat and I am hoping it is a good night for all of us tonight! It'd be nice to sleep until the morning!

 

Fitness Provincials is June 13, 2009. No word yet on Nationals - we'll see!

"If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got."

 

That said, I have made a new plan.

 

I've been a bit of a maniac for 8 months now. I eat clean, i work out all the time. It's just a part of life, it's no longer a struggle. But what I am currently doing is maintaining a 165 lb body. Which is fine. It could be worse, but it also could be better.

 

I like to eat basically the same thing every day. It works with my schedule, I know what to expect, but I also haven't really shifted it since I stopped nursing. And now without the calorie deficit from nursing, I am just staying the same weight. I am probably at or near my healthy ideal weight. But I would like to be a bit lower, maybe sacrifice a bit of muscle to get rid of the bulk that I naturally carry around.

 

I made a food plan for myself, following what I normally do, but cutting down on some portions and 'extras' here and there. There's a flex meal in there, and it really isn't too much different from what I usually do, but small changes can allow me to cut out 300-500 calories a day.

 

I have no desire for sugar or bread, I would much rather indulge on a big fat steak or vietnamese soup. I think I have cleared my addicitive bad foods completely out of my system and I want it to stay that way. I didn't think I wanted a structured plan, but it seems that I need it to get over this plateau, and now i am glad I have it!

 

So we'll see how the week goes!

 

In other news: My best friend Heather is home from Africa! Yay! I'm soooo excited to see her and hang out with her again!

 

And Michael is still a maniac, and i love it!